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14 March 2009 @ 09:45 am
I'm sorry. I don't know how I should explain this. It seems I can't explain it.

First of all I want to thank you so so much for your comments to my last post - and of course all your hugs. That means a lot to me.

But I realized that I became a bad friend for you all more and more. I didn't answer your comments as fast as usual. I had a lot of problems writing comments to your posts - or even be a part of this whole lj world at all. It was so weird. It's not that I don't wanted to be a part of it anymore. I just couldn't. I felt like I was trying to run after something all the time. But as much as I tried to catch up - I always lost.
And this is not fair. I noticed that I lost contact to a lot of people I felt a connection. And this made me even more sad. 'Cause you earn much more than this.

I thought a lot about all this the last two weeks. And I realized that I felt really awful because of this. So I made the decision to close this lj. I will not delete it, 'cause this would hurt too much. And I'm not the person who like decision which are irreversible. Not that I think about reverse it. But I feel better knowing to have this opportunity.

I'm really sorry, but at the moment it feels like this is the right decision. 
Friendship should not only be a one way street. But at the moment I feel like it is. I feel like taking advantage of you. And I don't want it to be that way. But I can't find another possibility to change this. I hope you all know how much I love you. And there are so many people I'll miss. I don't want to even think about it. But right now I can't handle this.

And I'm sorry for all my new friends. I'm sorry that I will not get the chance to get to know you as well as I wished.

I made some promises... some gifts which I haven't finished yet. But I will do this. I will write you PMs when I'm done with it. I don't want to break any promise!

I don't know what I could say besides I'm sorry! I wish you all the best!

*hugs you tightly*
Current Mood guilty